9 Worst Christmas Songs Ever. EVER!
Please, recognize that I had to listen to all nine of these for you, and try to... enjoy?
Barbra Streisand's 'Jingle Bells'
Like she must be on speed you think, then she slows down erratically. Fast tempo? Slow tempo? Confused tempo!
'Macarena Christmas'
Do I have to really comment on this one?
Jose Feliciano's 'Feliz Navidad'.
OK, stop the anger, it was a good song, but along with Springsteen's 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town', hearing this one every 12 minutes has ruined it for me.
And do I really have to like it just because he is Hispanic and blind?
Destinys Child, '8 Days of Christmas'
Right out of the popular music mold, but so crass, an anthem to materialism.
Forget a partridge in a pear tree, this Christmas isn't complete until he gives you a Mercedes!
It's good to see the world has turned it's back on the Beyonce machine for once.
Alvin and the Chipmunks 'The Christmas Song'
I'll only say nobody should try to follow Nat King Cole, especially helium voiced rodents.
Mariah Carey, 'All I Want For Christmas'
Surely this sentiment from such a prima donna is the single most insincere thing you will hear this season.
Unfortunately if you listen to Christmas radio you may hear it every half-hour.
Bummer.
No Doubt's 'Oi to the World'
Now truthfully, Gwen Stefani is in my every dream.
I LOVE her, LOVE HER!
Don't tell Gavin but those two children are the love children of Gwen and I.
But this song, it's just too much, too fast, too loud.
Cyndi Lauper's 'Christmas Conga'
I couldn't finish listening to it.
Please let me know if it all turns out well...
'Christmas Shoes' by Newsong.
Who are Newsong?
Why did this song rate a movie?
It's so dreary, so miserably and intentionally depressing.
I can see the singers and producer in the studio rubbing their hands together and smiling over the idea of the consumers of treacle and pap buying multiple copies for their little nephews and nieces!
The kid wants some shoes to give his mom who is going to die so she will look good for Jesus!
I can see Jesus also- "Welcome to Heaven. WOW girl, are those shoes Christian Louboutin's. So beautiful, and so... Christian"!
19 Comments:
Sorry Robot, there is no way Im going to listen to 9 Christmas songs in a row... and anything by the Chipmonks is out...never understood what they were about, must be an American thing...You could add that patronising 'Do They Know Its Christmas Time' song as well...tis so awful
Cindy Lauper's Christmas Conga!? Oh that is so wrong! And No Doubt, what were they thinking, I thought they could do no wrong...WTF?
Great list! It was fun to go through them all. I have to admit that I skipped Alvin and the Chipmunks because I didn't want to spend the rest of the night banging my head against the wall trying to get that song out of my head.
Thanks for stopping by my blog! Feel free to work me into your anytime. I just hope I don't end up on your "Worst Paintings Ever" list.
A'Jay. Totally understood, I didn't like the task at hand either, lol. CHipmunks? Not this American's thing. I just let my daughter listen and on every one if I kept it on she begged me to stop it, if I stopped it she complained that she wanted "to hear the chorus". 'Do They Know It's Christmas' was considered, as was that song that says over and over "Mary did you know...", sounds like Kenny Rogers but not so sure.
VanDerHoekArt, I will try to get a post up and let you know when. Your art is good, and will be presented well. Art is so subjective anyway. I did make fun of not Kieth Haring's art, but the pretentious commentary and fawning criticism in a book about him. Must have been written by his mom it seems. Alan
"OK, stop the anger, it was a good song, but along with Springsteen's 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town', hearing this one every 12 minutes has ruined it for me.!
That's exactly how I feel about "Fairytale Of New York" from the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, may she rest in peace...
That No Doubt song does deserve the response "WTF?" But it's still better than Madonna's version of "Santa Baby," of which no list of bad Christmas songs is complete without.
There's a certain wrongness about Barbra singing a Christmas song. I mean she has a beautiful voice and presence but she's Jewish. This is not anti-semitic, it's more like the Pope leading evening prayers at Mecca. there's an incongruity here, if you know what I mean.
CindyLover1969- I had never heard 'Fairytale of New York', must not go over well with Texas radio. Finally tracked it down online, and it is way too slow and somber for me. Madonna's "Santa Baby' was well considered but in my humble opinion still eclipsed by a man singing it. Just creepy!
Douglas- Yes, she is talented and I just don't like her take on the song, too fast... But you are right, it must have been for the cash, a Christmas classic can be like a gold mine. I read that not the original writer but the person who saw the potential in "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" has earned 5 million dollars from the song. Talk about classics!
But you are right about her faith and the incongruity. Maybe she has been talking to Ann Coulter and it is an attempt to become a "perfected Christian"?
I hate those chipmunks!
Dr. Zibbs- Yeah, they annoy almost beyond belief. So far the harshest comments seem to be for The Chipmunks and Madonna's 'Santa Baby'. But for me still the sentimaental pap of those 'Christmas Shoes' gets turned off the quickest.
You really took one for the team, man. Your self-sacrifice has allowed the rest of us to - - wait - - YOU did this to US! It's like you opened Pandora's Box or let the gremlins get wet. Damn it! I want the last ten minutes of my life back! Chipmunks! Cindy Lauper! I was a little weepy today for reasons that had nothing to do with bad Christmas songs but you just made it much, much worse.
JK. Really funny, Alan. I'm gonna get you some new shoes and save Christmas.
Charli- No, no, NO! No new shoes. The one who get the new shoes- dies!
Hey, here in Houston if you want to hear about six of those songs, just turn on 99.1 FM and listen for a half-hour.
If you listened for ten minutes you idn't listen to all of them. Approximatley three minutes each times nine equals 27 minutes. Back to the blog, Charli!
Alan
Rob, I like the '8 Days of Christmas' by Destinys Child.. Very catching song and pleasing to the eye..know what i mean? lol
Yeti- I hear you, it's just so commercial and I can't afford the Mercedes so it makes me sad, lol. Ten minutes after I told a workmate about how much I hate 'Christmas Shoes' her friend called and out of the blue said "I just heard the best Christmas song ever..." Funny.
HAHA holy shit I thought my blog was good...
you're hilarious... p.s. I like that babs xmas song...its so horrible it's great
Miss Alex- Your blog is excellent, I am thinking of also doing a creepy Santa post, including one with my daughter where I am sure he was stoned, and though she was one I am not so sure about her either...
Thanks for the good words, and I know what you mean. I cannot tolerate Babs but that 'Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer' makes me crack up... Douglas doesn't like the Babs song because she is a Jewish gal singing Christmas tunes. I feel exactly the same way about diva Mariah Carey and 'All I Want For Christmas', it just reeks with insincerity!
Ah, the sixties...those years of living dangerously. Kids today are wusses :)
I saw this and thought of you...
http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20245173,00.html
Charli,
WOW! 100! WOuld any of my readers go that far?
How exciting that a good looking woman in another state is thinking of me! I love blogging.
Alan
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